I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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