you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
