I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
