What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
