I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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