i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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