Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
