I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
