Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
