Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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