Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize