At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
