She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You're like the curious george of whores
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
