dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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