Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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