you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize