so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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