so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
