Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
can u get pink eye on your cock?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
