Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
