I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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