y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
