When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
