I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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