Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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