belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
