I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I am one with the molecules
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
