I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
