I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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