I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
