They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
