Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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