I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
