The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
