That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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