I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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