If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
