If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
