good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
