I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he wants to bone in the snuggie
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
