You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
