I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
