So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
