The best revenge is premature balding
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
