I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
