Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
