I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
