I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
