You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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