I'm pants shitting drunk right now
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The beer is more important than you right now.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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