dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
