....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
