He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
