a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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