The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
