Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
