THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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