I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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