Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize