The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
