Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize