Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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