what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
