shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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