Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
