Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
