I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
