We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
