well I can't set my house on fire every night
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
