If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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