That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
there's paper in my vomit.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
